I love the Internet. I love books. But like beer and tequila, they do not mix.*

Due to a recent incident, I am making the following plea. No matter how much I seem to enjoy these Web sites or have been overheard to recommend or praise their content, do not, under any circumstances, buy me the book.

These include:

Real Ultimate Power: The Official Ninja Book

PostSecret: Extraordinary Confessions from Ordinary Lives, its ugly stepsister Not Proud: A Smorgasbord of Shame (from notpround.com), or its idiot ugly stepson Coming Clean: The Best and Worst of DailyConfession.com. I don’t even know what derogatory relation Stoned, Naked, and Looking in My Neighbor’s Window: The Best Confessions from GroupHug.us might have to the former three, but again, no.

And certainly Overheard in New York.

The book version of The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is the perfect example of how stuff that works perfectly on a Web site can become burdened in print form. The intelligent anti-Intelligent Design site pulls much of its humor and strength from the interactivity of its site. Much like the theory it is meant to support, the .com (or in this case .org) version of The Gospel is able to evolve. And I’m sure that all fans of FSM (as it’s known) would take evolution over the alternative.

So please take the $15 or so that such a book would cost, and donate $3 or $4 of it directly to these sites.

Now, if there were an All Your Base Are Belong to Us children’s book, but only for my nephew.

* Still want to get Web site-based books? Fine. But trust me on the beer and tequila thing.